Red Dwarf - Psirens (1993)
As KRYTEN and LISTER head for the cockpit, the airlock monitor fizzes on again and a SECOND LISTER appears on the screen.
LISTER 2: What the hell are you doing taking off when I’m still outside? Let me in.
KRYTEN double-takes between the LISTER inside and the LISTER on the monitor.
KRYTEN: I’m afraid, sir, you’re already here.
RIMMER steps down from the cockpit.
LISTER 1: He’s a Psiren – don’t let him in. LISTER 2: For god’s sake – I can’t hang on any longer. He’s the Psiren. Let me in! RIMMER: What do we do? KRYTEN: there’s no way to tell which is which. We have to let him in. RIMMER: That means we’ll definitely have one Psiren on board. A brain- sucking psychotic temporal lobe slurper. KRYTEN: There’s a fifty per cent chance we have one on board already. We can’t risk killing the real Lister. I’m letting him in.
Not sure who wrote this specifically but a bunch of Clickhole ‘celebrity quotes’ were written by Joe Kwaczala who is hilarious.
Speaking of US space program, Clickhole also revealed the greatest presidential speech ever that was never delivered. …oops, this isn’t quite like I remember reading it - maybe this is a different draft?
Pretty sure there’s an xkcd comic joking about the backup speech in case they returned with more astronauts than they left with
Twist: You’ve been in space for a couple years and there’s only one Ramirez, you have an aggressive brain tumor.
You’re Ramirez.
And then, John was the Ramirez.
Yasssssss
maybe it makes you think but I’m built different
Lock one in the airlock, and confine the already-in one to quarters. If Outside Ramirez is bad but can’t defeat the module’s external shielding, this isn’t a good plan. This has the downside of bringing Bad Ramirez to Earth but the upside of not forcing Either Ramirezs, good or bad, to fight for their life. Anyway, fucking love this. Thanks for reminding me of the horror of a Second Ramirez.
I vote to space them both.
One of them is already spaced, the work is already half done
This is referenced in Warframe in a couple of ways at different points in the game. For example: You have a kinda schizophrenic ship AI, and while you’re floating in space he says this sometimes:
“KNOCK KNOCK! …Now who would be knocking all the way out here?! Operator, I don’t think you should answer that.” (Here’s a clip: https://youtu.be/ilHi4LeKZmM)
I’ll not mention the others since I’d say they’re spoilers.
“Hey kiddo.”
We bought this run-down house, my boyfriend and I. While he started working on converting the kitchen into the main bedroom, I insisted on removing the old wallpaper. The previous owner papered every wall and ceiling in the house! It’s a lot of work to remove, but it feels so good to get rid of it. The best feeling is getting a long peel, like when your skin peels after a bad sunburn. I turned it into a game, on the hunt to rip the longest piece possible.
I noticed there was a person’s name and date under a corner section of paper in every room. I couldn’t help but investigate and Googled those names. What I discovered left me speechless. The names all belonged to missing people, and the dates matched the day of their disappearance! We notified the police, who sent the crime scene team. I overheard one of them say, “Yeah, it’s human.” Wait, what’s human? “Ma’am, where is all the material you removed? This isn’t wallpaper.”
If you have not read it, I recommend you this short comic: https://emcarroll.com/comics/faceallred/01.html
Same dread feeling…
Thanks for this recommendation! You know some places where I find more of this?
Oops, already ate it. Sorry, didn’t know it was evidence.
you know, in a day and age where it’s wearisome to accuse one’s neighbours, i still find it surprisingly easy to tell my friends you’re a scoundrel.
debunk: would be too expensive, plant fiber is orders of magnitude cheaper.
Another debunk: human skin wallpaper would be irregularly shaped, so it wouldn’t have “corners” to write names and dates under. Also, it would be a lot more than one victim per wall. Also also, I’m pretty sure it would look profoundly weird and not like normal wallpaper at all.
Nice foreshadowing with the bit about peeling a sunburn, though.
must … not … ask AI to generate human skin wallpaper
It would look like leather, except that cowhides are big enough to cut into reasonably large rectangular panels and human skins aren’t.
(On a related note, one way you can tell a leather sofa is high-quality is by checking the back: if it’s made of several stitched-together strips, that’s good. If it’s one big piece, they cheaped out and used vinyl 'cause cows aren’t that big.)
If you already have some spare skin you can at least use it for somethimg. You wouldn’t eat that anyway, and mom will be happy for you remodeled the kitchen!
You wouldn’t eat that anyway
Who’s to say it’s not like pork rinds?
it puts the fiber on the walls or it gets the audit again
Two courses of action.
-
You detain and tie up the Ramirez already inside, just in case. Then you let the Ramirez outside in and do the same. You proceed trying to figure out what’s going on. Who is the real one? Problem with this scenario is now you 100% have the fake one inside with you.
-
You detain and tie up the Ramirez already inside, just in case. You leave the one outside to die. Unethical, but now there’s only a 50/50 chance the one inside with you is the fake one.
Alternate option if you’re feeling really unethical is you just instantly kill the one already inside and also leave the one outside to die. Technically the safest option.
You look yourself at the mirror: You are Ramirez
No, Ramirez, you are the demons
No.
Alternate option if you’re feeling really unethical is you just instantly kill the one already inside and also leave the one outside to die. Technically the safest option.
Kick out the inside Ramirez and let them fight to the death. The winner is the fake one.
Won’t someone please consider a time travel option??
No the Cosmonaut skeleton told me that’s dumb.
And if he floats, he’s also a witch.
Oh I’ve seen this one.
You tie them both up. Set them down on a couch next to each other. Get each of their blood into a dish. Then you take a flame thrower, heat up some metal and apply it to each dish of blood. Easy.
And then your buddy with the working flamethrower stands there like a total moron and gets killed for it.
Blow the inside-Ramirez out the airlock, give the outside one some company. - The good ending. :)
Everyone knows the correct answer is the alternate option, but the first one makes the initial drama and sets up the opportunity for a movie to happen in the first place.
Coming soon to theaters: Among Us
Narrator: From the brilliant minds that mildly regret they brought you “The Emoji Movie.”
“Guys wait, it’s not me!” (Gets spaced and the rest of the cast grimaces and goes “OOOooo…😬”)
(Awkward pause)
“…I’m okay!”
Narrator: “Comes an adventure…”
“Guys I think Randy’s kinda sus.”
“Why’s that?”
(Randy farts)
Randy: “Wasn’t me…? Hehe?”
Narrator: “…about knowing who you can trust…”
“One of us is an imposter , if we don’t find out who it is we’re all doomed!”
“What are we supposed to do we don’t even have hands!”
Narrator: “…and who’s kinda sus…”
(Body found)
Narrator: “Starring…Chris Pratt…”
“Ewww…who knew we had like…one bone?”
Narrator: “…Wanda Sykes…”
“Gary! Are you for real right now?!”
“I STRESS EAT FOR SELF-CARE WHEN I’M HUNGRY OKAY?!”
Narrator: “…Dwayne The Rock Johnson…”
“Guys…heh…come on…(smile twinkle).”
Narrator: “Danny DeVito…”
“It could be any one of us, but DEFINITELY not me I was doing the beep boop thingy with the doodad right over here…IT WAS DEFINITELY MEGAN.”
Narrator: “…And John Cena…”
“You didn’t see me do anything…you didn’t see nothin!”
“…Does that work better with hands?”
“…yeah…”
NARRATOR: " …As “Probably not the Imposter”…this summer…"
AMOOGOOS
That sounds like a cash grab. …I would watch the hell out of it.
I hate how fucking plausible this joke is, if this actually happens I’m holding you personally accountable
Don’t worry, I’ve only pitched it to Warner Bros.
There it goes on the shelf, next to Batgirl.
Was there ever any merit to that claim that you could post elaborate plots on some subr*dt and make it harder for movie studios to make those exact films?
Given how well the Minecraft and FNAF movies did, it’s almost guaranteed to happen.
Starring Jack Black
“I…am SUS.”
🤢
I hear that the movie is very SUSpenseful
I vote to eject you for that pun.
)
Of course it is. Until Ramirez is your child.
But what they didn’t tell you is… You’re a virgin!
If the non-ramirez entity has any sort of offensive powers, trying to kill or restrain it might yield a worse outcome. Like, you try to tie up the one inside and it decides the cat is out of the bag, so it bursts out of its skin suit and strangles you.
Was gonna happen eventually anyway tho, no?
Maybe it just wants a snuggle buddy, and is only violent when threatened. Ramirez isn’t bad looking…
“Ramirez this is so unlike you. I’m not saying I don’t like it. I’ve just never seen you this affectionate before. Wait a second… GUYS WE KILLED THE WRONG RAMIR—“
Or you’re in the Trump regime and deport both Ramirez’
If theres one thing I know about aliens, its that the whole ship needs to burn in orbit. Its the only way to be sure.
No you put both of them outside and then try to resolve it. Then no matter what happens the station is still ok. They both have comms, nothing is gained by letting either in.
Put Ramirez out in space with his mysterious doppelganger? Quite a dick move!
There’s a lot more room in space than in the station. You could easily put them a quarter mile apart out there, while in the station you could be killed in seconds.
If the station’s that big, there’s definitely room to keep Ramirez confined without resorting to sending him out into space.
You obviously remove the Ramirez with the goatee.
Kill them both. I’m actually Ramirez. The creatures don’t understand names.
-
Not far off from the plot of the 2009 film Moon
Quite far off from the plot of the 2007 film Shrek The Third though.
What do you mean? Doesn’t that imply there’s three Shreks? Sounds pretty close to me.
🌈✨⭐
These are the insightful observations I keep coming back to Lemmy for.
Such a great film. And a great piece of commentary on how capitalism treats employees as disposable assets.
Sci Fi often skews left, doesn’t it?
“To be honest with you Diane, I’m surprised”
Amogus
IS THAT AN AMONG US REFFERENCE??!!
‼️‼️HOLY FUCKING SHIT‼️‼️‼️‼️ IS THAT A MOTHERFUCKING AMONG US REFERENCE!!!11!1!1!1!1!1!1! 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 AMONG US IS THE BEST FUCKING GAME 🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯 RED IS SO SUSSSSS 🕵️🕵️🕵️🕵️🕵️🕵️🕵️🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥 COME TO MEDBAY AND WATCH ME SCAN 🏥🏥🏥🏥🏥🏥🏥🏥 🏥🏥🏥🏥 WHY IS NO ONE FIXING O2 🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬🤬😡🤬🤬😡 OH YOUR CREWMATE? NAME EVERY TASK 🔫😠🔫😠🔫😠🔫😠🔫😠 Where Any sus!❓ ❓ Where!❓ ❓ Where! Any sus!❓ Where! ❓ Any sus!❓ ❓ Any sus! ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ Where!Where!Where! Any sus!Where!Any sus Where!❓ Where! ❓ Where!Any sus❓ ❓ Any sus! ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ Where! ❓ Where! ❓ Any sus!❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ Any sus! ❓ ❓ Where!❓ Any sus! ❓ ❓ Where!❓ ❓ Where! ❓ Where!Where! ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ Any sus!❓ ❓ ❓ Any sus!❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ Where! ❓ Where! Where!Any sus!Where! Where! ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ I think it was purple!👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀It wasnt me I was in vents!!!😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 c/amongusmemes c/unexpectedamongus c/expectedamongus perfectly balanced as all things should be c/unexpectedthanos c/expectedthanos for balance
Your post is bad and you should feel bad.
it’s a copypasta, idk why people are taking it serious
Oh. Well, then. I concede defeat. Sorry.
I got a good laugh. Username also confirms based status. You may pass with an updoot, n’wah. :p
Bad day to be one of the Ramirez’s
I’d get the rest of the crew near or in the module and discuss the next course of action.
“Ramirez. Suit up. You’re gonna go out there and you’re not coming back in until there is only one of you left.”
First Ramirez to take Burger Town gets let back in
Ramirez sus
Do you mean lime Ramirez or DG Ram-
VOTING ENDED
