Removed by mod

Texas checking in, can you Hulk smash my government too, please?

Okay, but only cuz you told me so

I accidentally skipped the word “want.”

But seriously, thank you for reminding me that I need to call my psychologist to find out what the next step up is for ADHD medication.

You smell burning toast, too, right?

@Djtecha@lemm.ee asked a snarky and well deserved question in response to RangerJosie’s either uninformed or specifically malicious comment. Rhetorically, they asked

Do you think you’ll get bill numbers or something here?

Intentionally, and for comedic effect, I pretended to misread this question to say “Do you think you’ll get Bill’s number or something here?”

Since this is a political community, I decided to pretend that Djtecha was offering Bill Clinton’s phone number. I threw Hillary’s name in the mix to keep the theme political vs sexual since Bill is often an easy target on that front.

Then, I used this joke to bridge the gap to include everyone’s favorite advocate, Bernie Sanders. Finally, I crafted a situational punchline to make it sound like I’m a smitten party on a phone call with Bernie Sanders, doing the classic teenager “no you hang up first.” Finally, instead of saying something like “fine, but sing me that song I love until I fall asleep,” I acted like I’d ask Bernie to explain single-payer healthcare and why everyone deserves it until I fall asleep.

I hope I’ve clarified on my latest episode of my joke apparently wasn’t funny, and this explanation is surely making things worse. Y’all have a nice night!

I don’t Bill nor Hillary’s number! I’ll take Bernie’s, though…

“No you hang up. Nuh uh, you hang up this time. Okay, but before I hang up, tell me again about how I deserve dignity in life through healthcare?”

Edit: I forgot the word “want.” Oh well.

Well shit, when you put it that way, I guess I’ll just go eat some bullets?

RFK also 180d from never wanting to go into politics to helping the Trump campaign. It’s almost like there’s something about the Republican party that draws in money-hungry grifters…

Inside you there are two Nazis.

One of the Nazis hates the other Nazi. The other Nazi hates the first Nazi. They both hate you and want you to make other people’s Nazis bigger.

They could be bored enough

Really, it’s been quite messy and drawn out. You can’t even give him credit for efficiently losing $44B.

But it sure was effective!

Simes, 76, and his wife, Anastasia Simes, have a home in Virginia and are believed to be in Russia.

Please, please let all of these corrupt and fascist-loving assholes just move to Russia. That would be amazing to hear “yeah, we won the election and then all of our problems just up and left. Last I heard, they were filling boots at the Ukrainian battlefront with newly patriotic Russian piss.”

SAY IT AIN’T SO!!!

And when you do die, you won’t see it coming!

I hope they give him coke or amphetamines before the debate to try perking him up.

I also hope it causes him to incessantly freak out about how much he’s shitting himself

Yeah, and Lincoln had the audacity to die when he got shot. Not very presidential, if you ask me.

K

I spelled a dirty word!

@TexasDrunk@lemmy.world we’re part of criminal organizations! Yay!

Also, I don’t know about you, but most eligible Latino voters I know support Trump. Most of them argue it’s because “we need to keep out illegals,” which, sure, okay; or because “Trump is tough on crime.” I usually tell them that Trump is gonna try to deport their Mexican-looking asses and then lock up my fat Jewish ass. Some say I’m brainwashed and others say that it’s a worthwhile risk because the democrats are gonna destroy our country and the economy and raise their taxes.

I’m not saying that Hispanic people are morons. I’m saying that Texans appear to mostly be idiots…

I really don’t wanna upvote this, but I can’t not