• 2 Posts
  • 692 Comments
Joined 1 year ago
cake
Cake day: August 3rd, 2023

help-circle

  • There’s plenty of disqualifying traits for Republicans

    What are they? This guy literally tried to overthrow the government. He openly courts Russian influence in elections. He openly admits to being easily corrupted and persuaded by individual campaign donors to the point of changing his entire position on the basis of what companies they own. He has been convicted of felonies. He has been convicted of fraud. He has been found in court to have sexually assaulted women. He had his charity organization shut down due to fraud. Many of his attorneys can no longer practice law because of the things he had them attempt in courtrooms. He conspired to bring fake electors to Washington DC. He sent love letters back and forth with a North Korean dictator. He bragged about assassinating a murder suspect in the Pacific Northwest. He’s incontinent. He’s unintelligible. He was impeached twice. He said “we’ll take the weapons first and then do process later”. He said of John McCain “I like people who weren’t captured”. He fucked a porn star while his wife was pregnant and then he paid the porn star off to cover up the story during the election. He mocks disabled reporters. He smells like a full diaper. He said he can “grab women by the pussy” because he is a star. He sold beans from the oval office because a Goya executive said they supported him. He called Nazis “very fine people”. He told the American public that “they’re looking into” injecting disinfectants in order to cure COVID. He refused COVID testing and then went on-stage for a planned debate with an active case of it. He wanted a military parade. During the passage of his meager working-person tax cut, he forced the US treasury to attach his signature to the checks. He’s fundamentally weird and never appears to laugh or ever even tell a coherent joke. He rarely even smiles. He likely gave secret documents to the Russians. He and his family used private email servers continually despite pretending that his political opponent deserved to be in jail for doing so. He complains constantly about the state of the country whether or not he is leading it. He does not appear to have a single friend in the world. Everyone who works with him winds up regretting it. He goes on strange rants where he speaks as if “the late great Hannibal Lecter” is or was an actual person that died. He lies about his mental and physical health. The list goes on and on and on.

    Yet despite all of that…HE IS THE GOP NOMINEE FOR PRESIDENT.

    The guy is a walking version of “the aristocrats” joke.

    As far as I can tell a disqualifying trait for the Democratic candidate for President is looking too old or letting out a “BYAAAAW” at a campaign event. So this isn’t exactly a “both sides” type of thing. One party’s candidates have to walk on water to barely win, while the other’s continually rack up absolutely absurd would-be dis-qualifiers and continue to be taken seriously by the media, the government, and the public.


  • He has no plans at all except to bloviate like an idiot at any given opportunity, take massive dumps in his depends, avoid prison because he’s the president again, start up some concentration camps if he can stay off truth social that long, and cheat at golf.

    If there is another crisis in the next four years (which is almost guaranteed because he’s also a moronic crisis generator and so are the dimwits that he’ll nominate to cabinet positions), he will handle that just as poorly as he handled COVID.

    He’ll also probably die in office. In fact, I think the odds of him dying in office are far better than the odds of him coming up with a healthcare plan or a plan to increase housing affordability.



  • “Me driving a SUV that’s almost as big as a bus anywhere farther than 500ft from my home is not a problem at all!!” - average american, probably

    SUVs are passe at this point. The hip thing is to drive a super-duty V12 king cab truck with a constantly empty truck bed to the store.

    As an American burgermeister, it’s also important to complain about the price of gas continually while doing this.

    (For extra credit: be sure to idle for 50 minutes in an in-and-out or chik-fil-a line that spills out into the street and blocks traffic on your way home from the store.)


  • Progressive policies are popular. But progressives have done a shit job of turning that enthusiasm into political capital.

    That’s because there is another type of capital…fucking money…involved.

    Progressive policies may be popular, but the candidates that espouse them are immediately rolled by the corporate / industrial machine that runs the entirety of the media apparatus.

    That’s how a Democratic vice presidential candidate can be viewed by people in the country as disqualified from the race for drinking a milkshake with a straw, while the Republican presidential candidate can attempt to overthrow the government, be found to be a rapist in court, be convicted of felonies, poop his way through a case of depends at every rally, free associate about locking up his political opponents, discuss shooting protestors, be the oldest candidate ever picked by a major political party for president and still never be viewed as disqualified for the position.

    Trump (an incredibly dull, almost comically idiotic person) realized this himself years ago, which is why he said he could shoot someone and not lose any votes.

    Way too many people in this country believe that it just so happens that every individual progressive candidate just doesn’t have the “gift” to turn their political positions (that are unpopular with business / industry / media / moneyed interests) into popularity at the polls when it’s obvious that every progressive candidate is immediately met by a wave of media discontent the moment they seem close to getting any real power.

    EDIT: FDR was considered to be a centrist until he got in there. There is another way things could work which is that someone could run as a progressive sleeper candidate and pivot to the middle in order to get support for the campaign and then govern more from the left after they win.